"Change versus Stability"

There’s a basic tension in life between tradition and innovation. Between maintaining-the-old and developing-the-new.

In most relationships this isn’t a problem at first. Everything is new -- and wonderful. However, as time goes by, habits develop, and patterns get established. Then, when one person wants a change, there can be difficulty.

In couples therapy, I frequently hear one person say, "I want you to do some things differently." Sometimes the reply is, "I can’t. It’s just not the way I am. It’s not my nature."

This couple’s first challenge is to not get caught in a cycle of criticism and defensiveness. Then, they face the legitimate debate between innovation and tradition.

Both sides are understandable. Both sides have validity. The goal is to honor and support both. Not either or.

In a power struggle, these two sides seem squarely (and hopelessly) in opposition. One demands, "Change!" and the other replies "No way!" Or one says, "Conform!" and the other replies, "Never!"

Instead, how about developing your own unique blend of maintaining-the-old AND developing-the-new? How about a blend that changes over time, in response to each of your needs, in keeping with the seasons of your lives.

100% innovation doesn’t work. Neither does 100% tradition. Go for the best of both. Work it out together. That’s the high road.